Redneck photo site

Survive a hurricane redneck style

2008-11-18T22:28:00.000-08:00

Redneck Flood Survival Guide Checklist

2008-04-17T09:12:00.001-07:00

Flood survival kit

Toilet Paper......................................check

Bud Light..........................................check

Keystone Ice.....................................check

Budweiser.......................................check
Red Dog...........................................check

Misc. other bottles of alcohol..............check

Piece of plywood to float your
old lady and booze on ......................check

Rednecks Take Aim

2008-02-05T16:14:00.001-08:00

Redneck Treeswing

2008-02-03T14:26:00.001-08:00

Redneck Power Windows video

2008-01-21T09:12:00.001-08:00

Shotgun fires 300 rounds a minute

2007-11-19T15:04:00.001-08:00

This is a Rednecks wet dream. Imagine the deer hunting you could
do with this puppy!!

Redneck Deer Stand

2007-11-13T01:48:00.001-08:00

Just makes you wonder who is going to get out and load
the deer once they shoot it.

Best kind of crack in your windshield

2007-11-12T14:55:00.001-08:00

I don't know about you fellar's but these funny pictures have to be the best kind of crack you can have in your car window.

Gives new meaning to riding bare-back.

New Government Seal

2007-08-24T14:31:00.001-07:00

Official Announcement:
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!

Redneck Medical Terms

2007-08-20T08:21:00.001-07:00

Benign What you be after you be eight.

Artery The study of painting.

Bacteria Back door to cafeteria.

Barium What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section A neighborhood in Rome.

Cat Scan Searching for kitty.

Cauterize Made eye contact with her.

Colic A sheep dog.

Coma A punctuation mark.

D&C Where Washington is.

Dilate To live long.

Duct Tape Suture on a roll.

Enema Not a friend.

Fester Quicker than someone else.

Fibula A small lie.

Genital Non-Jewish person.

G.I. Series World series of military baseball.

Hangnail What you hang your coat on.

Impotent Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain Getting hurt at work.

Medical staff A doctor's cane.

Morbid A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates Cheaper than day rates.

Node I knew it.

Outpatient A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear A fatherhood test.

Pelvis Second cousin to Elvis.

Post operative A letter carrier.

Recovery room Place to do upholstery.

Rectum Dam near killed him.

Secretion Hiding something Seizure Roman Emperor.

Tablet A small table.

Terminal illness Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor More than one.

Urine Opposite of your out.

Varicose Near by/ close by.

Redneck Fireman

2007-08-02T23:49:00.001-07:00

Comedy from the work bathroom

2007-05-07T13:59:00.001-07:00

This might not be Redneck but it's still funny.

This is for all those who hate to poop at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2006 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE.
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH.
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME.
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS.
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR.
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH.
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE.
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON.
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET.
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED.
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY.
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

Redneck Computer Repair

2007-05-02T15:08:00.001-07:00

Funny video but please don't try this at home.

Redneck Highway Worker

2007-04-24T23:34:00.001-07:00

Now if that isn't lazy I don't know what is. This feller didn't even slow down when he got
to this item. Just a quick swerve and away he went.

Only a Redneck would build to short of a runway for an Airport then have a road nearby.

HERE'S YOUR SIGN!!!

Redneck water skiing and more

2007-04-09T15:28:00.001-07:00

Well this looks fun. This Redneck might get a little wet though.

Here is the perfect Redneck computer. It even has handles.

Technorati tags: Redneck, Funny Pictures, Jokes

Redneck Flatscreen

2007-04-08T01:08:00.001-07:00

Leave it up to Redneck thinking to come up with a solution like this.

Redneck Airbags

2007-04-03T01:04:00.001-07:00

You can't really tell from this picture but this gal is driving a General Lee from the Duke's of Hazzard look alike. I kid you not.

Technorati tags: Dukes of Hazzard, General Lee, Redneck

Redneck fun the Human Slingshot

2007-04-02T21:11:00.001-07:00

Now what could be more Redneck than hooking your honey up to a "Four Wheeler" and slinging her 300 feet on a homemade slingshot. Funny video but don't try this at home boys.

Technorati tags: Redneck, Funny Video, Human Slingshot, Quadrunner

Redneck Spelling Bee

2007-03-28T22:54:00.001-07:00

Video: Redneck Spelling Bee

del.icio.us tags: Redneck, Spelling Bee, Jokes

What every Redneck needs a Beer Launching Fridge

2007-03-12T20:26:00.001-07:00

This is the coolest thing that I am sure will be on every Redneck's wishlist this year. Have you ever gotten tired of having to get up twenty times during the wrestling match on tv to get a beer? Well with this little dandy you are in for a nice long wrestle fest.

The Hole - video powered by Metacafe

Now you can use the commerical time for what you really want to which is going to the bathroom.

Perfect Redneck Beach Wear

2007-01-14T00:02:00.000-08:00

Now I know all you Rednecks out there will agree this is the perfect bathing suit by far!

A true Redneck. Always thinking every vehicle is a truck when its not!

When rabbits fight back!

Talk about Heroes. Thats my kind!!!

REDNECK SANTA LETTERS

2006-12-20T13:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I

send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving

your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa

________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace

and

joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy

and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.

Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who

rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you

some nice Legos instead.

Santa

________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum

kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay; I'll set you up

with a Barbie.

Santa

______________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for

your

reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when

riding

in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa

________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend

most

of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself

silly

and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the

craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa

______________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,

in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in

whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa

________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE

could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't

work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

______________________________________________________

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass

whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house; you live in a

low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the

boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Santa

Funny Alcohol Warning Labels

2006-12-11T02:18:00.000-08:00

1. Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
2. Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
3. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you.
5. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
6. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex is really dying for you to call them at 4:00 in the morning.
7. Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the forehead and chin area.
8. Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba.
9. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
10. Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to disappear.
11. Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.
12. Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.

Top 10 Reasons for missing the Toilet:

2006-12-08T23:17:00.000-08:00

10. I was "distracted"

9. I fainted.

8. I forgot to put the cordless phone down!

7. The toilet moved!

6. I was trying to eat a taco!

5. I only have one hand!

4. I thought I was done!

3. I didn't miss, it's just your imagination!

2. I'm partially blind in my left eye.

1. I couldn't breathe, because SOMEONE stunk the bathroom up before
me!

Open Season funny Redneck pics

2006-11-20T04:04:00.000-08:00

Well I haven't put any good funny Redneck pictures here in a while so here are a couple.

Now you know that is got to hurt! But me I would be calling that a "Three fur" if I had my chance at a shot at them.

Talk about "Jeff Foxworthy's" statement here's your sign. This fellow already has his. What do you think?

This guy has to be a real Redneck Motorcycle lover to bring his baby out of the cold and kick the wife out of bed!!

Leave it up to a Redneck to keep track of the important things.

Only a true Redneck would ask for a second opinion from a horse.